"Don't wear a bra; it will only collect detritus that you'll forget about until it litters your bathroom floor, shower drain, and washing machine." Recently, it was the Buck Moon, so named (according to Granny) for bucks growing new antlers this time of year. To me, it means hay bucking time. We have about 6 acres of hay that we have cut once a year. We don't spray herbicides but, instead, switchback across the hills pulling out weeds ahead of our neighbor's tractor. Remind me to come back to him in a later blog post. The only toxic weed we have to worry about is tansy but it is easily recognizable and even easier to pull out. Remind me to come back to that too. First, I'd like to share a few things I've observed over the three seasons I have spent making hay while the sun shines. I sprinkled in some dos and don'ts too for good measure. 1. Hay smells sweet and sneezy when it's growing in the field. But, when it's cut, it is knock-your-socks-off, let's-go-roll-in-the-hay, did-someone-spike-this-punch?, mother-smelling-baby's-head sweet. No one will think twice if you suddenly barrel roll down our hay field hollering, "I'm aliiiive!" after it's freshly cut. 2. The animals go crazy too. Last year we had four juvenile red tailed hawks, a blue heron, two owls, a pack of coyotes, and our dogs drunkenly gorging themselves on the newly exposed rodents and snakes. The hawks were like loud, underage teenagers who snuck into a dance club, embarrassing themselves with their catcalls and high-fives. 3. Don't wear your favorite black tank top on hay bucking day.
4. Don't apply sunblock willy nilly here and there. 5. Don't wear shoes with any gap large enough for a blade of grass to penetrate, including at the ankle. 6. Don't wear a bra; it will only collect detritus that you'll forget about until it litters your bathroom floor, shower drain, and washing machine. 7. Don't wear anything with pockets. See above. 8. Do design a magical hay bucking outfit that protects your arms and legs from scratches while simultaneously keeping you cool in 90+ degree sunshine, patent it, and sell it to hay farmers for an exorbitant price. We will buy it. 9. Do volunteer to be the person who stands on the truck bed, stacking the hay bales higher and higher. You can finally make use of those skills learned playing Tetris. Hot tip: Stack the second level perpendicular to the first so it hangs off the side of the truck bed, then stack the third, fourth, and fifth in a Mayan pyramid on top of that. 10. Avoid being the Mayan sacrifice if half the pyramid sloughs off when the truck makes a sharp right. Remember to tuck and roll. 11. Remind the person throwing the hay bales up to you to bend at the knees and could they please try to land it twine side up and would they mind handing you that water bottle? Thaaanks! 12. Do lay back and watch the blue sky while the truck bounces across the field. You are sailing on a cloud ship. You are Laura Ingalls in a hay wagon. You are star dust, accumulated miraculously for this one moment in time and never again. Quit daydreaming and get back to work. 13. Do leave enough space between bales in the barn to allow room for air flow, rodent nests, and inexplicably lost hand tools. Rodents are better than spontaneously combusting barns. 14. Don't get your foot caught in those spaces when you've stacked the bales five-high. 15. Do leave a stair step to the top of the barn pile so you can reach the top bales and collect the cool owl pellets and bat corpses for later dissecting. The top corners of barns are like secret natural history museums. 16. Do have an eight year old keep count of the bales. 17. Do keep your own count in your head. 18. Do sell your additional bales out of the field. Let your customers do the lifting. 19. Do use the "clean and jerk" method for lifting and tossing bales up high. This tip comes from my husband and I have no idea what it means. I assume those of you with more experience in weight lifting will understand? Personally, I like the "grab, grunt, heave, push, try-not-to-fall-over" method. 20. Twenty is a nice round number, but I really don't have anything else to say about hay.
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Maybe this is a good time to teach you the secret art of reusing baling twine. Our bales are in small, 50ish pound rectangles bound tightly with two orange lengths of twine. I don't really understand how the mechanical baler ties those knots. I think there are little elves inside. The twine itself is some sort of polyvinyl petroleum product that will outlast us all. So, it's important to find secondary uses for them once you've snipped those ties with the nearest handy sharp object and tossed the desiccated grass to your eager ruminants. The first step is to collect the twine in a designated place so it is ready for whatever future project you need it for. Do not leave the twine in any grass, lettuce patch, blackberry bramble or other plant matter where it will become entangled and lost until the lawnmower finds it. I would never do that. Likewise, don't leave it on the barn floor to trip your spouse or drape it across their bike wheel or the cab of their truck or under their pillow. And, in seriousness, don't leave it where your animals will eat it because it can block their intestines. I've heard some sad stories. The second step is to make some stuff with your twine. Here are some ideas: 1. Tomato trellis. This design can be used for a single or double row of tomatoes. It is a build-as-it-grows design and will end up looking like a crazy twine-spinning spider has made its web through your maters. Pruning the leaves off the center of your plant will help air flow and prevent mold.
2. Plan a Straight Fence Line: The shortest distance from Point A to Point B sometimes needs a map. Instructions: Push stakes in the ground where your corner posts will be (Points A and B). Tie lengths of baling twine together into one long rope. Tie the rope to the stakes. Voila. You can also use this to plant straight garden rows if you are a control freak as well as an obsessive compulsive baling twine hoarder. I wouldn't know about either of those things, obviously. 3. Crochet a Rug. Need a primitive, chabby chic, utilitarianique (my term, copyrighted) place to wipe off your Wellies? Instructions: Baling twine is sturdy stuff. Tie the lengths together and wind the whole rope into a ball. Learn to crochet (just ask Granny). Crochet a rug. Don't worry about the long ties. They add character. (Pretend I took a picture of a baling twine rug. At this point, it's still in the design phase...) 4. Use Baling Twine for Everything Else. Tie a sack closed. Keep a gate open. Keep a gate closed. Cinch a bed roll. Wrap a present. Tie your hair back. Replace the leash your dog lost. Play chase with your cat. Make a peanut butter rap trat, I mean rat trap. Tie a tarp down. Cinch up your fat pants that are only good for gardening now. Expand the buttonhole of your skinny pants. Hang a cabbage for your chickens to peck. Zigzag twine through the holes of a cattle panel to keep your bull-headed alpaca from sticking his head through and getting it stuck. Curse the twine and the alpaca when it doesn't work. Crochet a hammock. Weave a basket. Patch the cane of your old chair. Embroider a detailed replica of the unicorn tapestries. Give it to your kids and tell them to go outside and use their imagination. I hope this How-To Hoe Down has inspired you to hoard twine like a pro and justify that hoard to your spouse and perhaps remind them of their own torn up T-shirt hoard if they still give you grief. See you next time.
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AuthorSome people buy a gym membership. I haul 25 pound bags of alpaca manure a quarter mile up a hill to my garden. (And I like it). Archives
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