Field Notes from the Hay Field

"Don't wear a bra; it will only collect detritus that you'll forget about until it litters your bathroom floor, shower drain, and washing machine."

July 2015 Hay Bucking Calendar Girls

    Recently, it was the Buck Moon, so named (according to Granny) for bucks growing new antlers this time of year. To me, it means hay bucking time. We have about 6 acres of hay that we have cut once a year. We don't spray herbicides but, instead, switchback across the hills pulling out weeds ahead of our neighbor's tractor. Remind me to come back to him in a later blog post. The only toxic weed we have to worry about is tansy but it is easily recognizable and even easier to pull out. Remind me to come back to that too.

A good place to roll in the hay.

    First, I'd like to share a few things I've observed over the three seasons I have spent making hay while the sun shines. I sprinkled in some dos and don'ts too for good measure.

    1. Hay smells sweet and sneezy when it's growing in the field. But, when it's cut, it is knock-your-socks-off, let's-go-roll-in-the-hay, did-someone-spike-this-punch?, mother-smelling-baby's-head sweet. No one will think twice if you suddenly barrel roll down our hay field hollering, "I'm aliiiive!" after it's freshly cut.

    2. The animals go crazy too. Last year we had four juvenile red tailed hawks, a blue heron, two owls, a pack of coyotes, and our dogs drunkenly gorging themselves on the newly exposed rodents and snakes. The hawks were like loud, underage teenagers who snuck into a dance club, embarrassing themselves with their catcalls and high-fives.

    3. Don't wear your favorite black tank top on hay bucking day. 

    4. Don't apply sunblock willy nilly here and there.

    5. Don't wear shoes with any gap large enough for a blade of grass to penetrate, including at the ankle. 

    6. Don't wear a bra; it will only collect detritus that you'll forget about until it litters your bathroom floor, shower drain, and washing machine.

    7. Don't wear anything with pockets. See above.

    8. Do design a magical hay bucking outfit that protects your arms and legs from scratches while simultaneously keeping you cool in 90+ degree sunshine, patent it, and sell it to hay farmers for an exorbitant price. We will buy it. 

    9. Do volunteer to be the person who stands on the truck bed, stacking the hay bales higher and higher. You can finally make use of those skills learned playing Tetris. Hot tip: Stack the second level perpendicular to the first so it hangs off the side of the truck bed, then stack the third, fourth, and fifth in a Mayan pyramid on top of that.

    10. Avoid being the Mayan sacrifice if half the pyramid sloughs off when the truck makes a sharp right. Remember to tuck and roll.

    11. Remind the person throwing the hay bales up to you to bend at the knees and could they please try to land it twine side up and would they mind handing you that water bottle? Thaaanks!

    12. Do lay back and watch the blue sky while the truck bounces across the field. You are sailing on a cloud ship. You are Laura Ingalls in a hay wagon. You are star dust, accumulated miraculously for this one moment in time and never again. Quit daydreaming and get back to work.

    13. Do leave enough space between bales in the barn to allow room for air flow, rodent nests, and inexplicably lost hand tools. Rodents are better than spontaneously combusting barns.

    14. Don't get your foot caught in those spaces when you've stacked the bales five-high.

    15. Do leave a stair step to the top of the barn pile so you can reach the top bales and collect the cool owl pellets and bat corpses for later dissecting. The top corners of barns are like secret natural history museums.

    16. Do have an eight year old keep count of the bales.

    17. Do keep your own count in your head.

    18. Do sell your additional bales out of the field. Let your customers do the lifting.

    19. Do use the "clean and jerk" method for lifting and tossing bales up high. This tip comes from my husband and I have no idea what it means. I assume those of you with more experience in weight lifting will understand? Personally, I like the "grab, grunt, heave, push, try-not-to-fall-over" method.

    20. Twenty is a nice round number, but I really don't have anything else to say about hay.

Prepackaged winter meals for the hungry ruminants in your life.